


The life and times of a former badass assassin

by rise_above_this



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America: The First Avenger - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), captain america: the winter soldier - Fandom
Genre: Avengers are awesome, Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Captain America - Freeform, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Iron Man - Freeform, Kinda, Natasha Is a Good Bro, bucky is really silly, bucky is writing a journal, cracktastic, disney!, humor i think, i wanted something silly because civil war updates are killing me, it is all sebastian stan's fault, it really is, minus the tragedy, omg can't we have nice things, steve rogers - Freeform, stop hurting bucky, tony stark - Freeform, winter soldier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 00:47:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6494248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rise_above_this/pseuds/rise_above_this
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thanks to the wonderful Sebastian Stan who said that the backpack Bucky is carrying in the Civil War trailers is filled with journals I thought omigod how sad and tragic. This is not sad and tragic. This is Bucky's journal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The life and times of a former badass assassin

**Author's Note:**

> Sebastian Stan gave a plot bunny and I am bored at work and needed something fun.

April 1st

My name is James Buchanan Barnes. I was forced to keep this journal by this guy who keeps following me around and keeps calling me Buck. Or Bucky. He is standing behind me making sure I'm writing. You are a punk Steve and I think this is a really stupid idea nearly as stupid as you calling me Bucky. He's calling me Bucky right now how very mature for a 95 year old. Anyway I have nothing else to say...wait the smack against my head from the old guy says there's something I'm forgetting. My name is James Buchanan Barnes it is now 14:39 PM. I am in New York City. I am in the Avengers headquarters on the 9th floor with stupid

April 2nd  
My name is...ah screw it you know who I am. I know who I am. And the time is who cares PM. I am still living in new York and i am still in Tony stark's tower. I don't know why they bother calling it the avengers tower when everything belongs to him. I am drifting off topic. I do that a lot. My mind is filled with a lot of elsewhere. I am supposed to work through it but how can I when everything is so confusing nothing makes sense. I mean just this morning I got attacked by the toaster. Toasted bread pops up. Nobody told me. In my day. I sound like an old person god I sound like Steve. Anyway in my day toast didn't fly up and hit you in the face. Tony laughed and my new nickname is Toastie which is a welcomed change from being called Bucky. Steve! If you're going to read this standing behind me I'm going to stop writing in this journal! Look I'm stopping....I'm stopping asshole I hope you're happy :P that's me sticking my tongue out at you Natasha taught me.

April 3rd  
So, apparently I still have to do this journal thing because Steve threatened to tell everyone what we did in Coney Island one night, and I’d rather write in this damn thing then ever speak of Coney Island ever again. We were young. We were drunk. Shit happens on the cyclone ride what can I say. The upside is that Steve has promised, he will not be checking or reading my journal. So now I can say whatever I want. Number one. I don’t understand why everyone is always looking at their cellphones and smiling and taking pictures of their food and coffee. What are they going to forget what they ate or drank? And why is everyone talking about taking selfies. I really want to know but a big part of me is saying no let it go you really don’t want to know. 

April 4th  
Today something happened that I never ever in 70 years thought I would say or think but man I missed the cryogenic chamber. I just wanted to sleep for the whole day but Steve is all be all that you can be and wants to go running around like I haven’t been running around for the last seventy years already Jesus Christ give me a break and it’s not my fault if he was a frozen ice block in that time and just laid around on his ass and is now making up for the lost time. So I did the only thing I could think of, I pretended I didn’t know who I was, seriously it works like magic when I say “Who the hell is Bucky?” And Steve didn’t want to go running anymore and everyone treated me so much better. Tony stopped calling me Toastie yeah it got kind of tiring after the hundredth time he called me that and actually I prefer being called Bucky. I started talking in Russian to confuse the shit out of everyone even more and scored pizza and chicken nuggets. If only they knew I was saying they are all idiots in Russian the entire time. Five million points to Natasha she didn’t tell anyone what I was saying. Apparently 5 million points means nothing in the world of Natasha Romanoff and I now am in her debt for the rest of my unnatural life. Yeah I really long for the cryogenic chamber. 

April 5th  
I’ve been caught out. “Who the hell is Bucky?” yeah that no longer works Steve was onto me the moment he called me Bucky and said there is pizza and of course I turned. I love pizza. Who doesn’t. Damn you pizza my love for you has caught me my one means of escape. This has to end. We can’t go on like this. It’s over between us. Done. I am so done with one sided relationships. Oh who am I kidding pizza I love you I can’t stay mad at you. BTW did you know you can order twenty pizzas and they actually deliver it to your door? Okay Tony was a little pissed that he had to pay for it you’d swear the guy was living through the great depression or something. But he wasn’t fooling me I’ve seen him with pizza…not exactly the worst thing I have seen in my life but he’s really aiming for my top ten every time he eats pizza.

April 6th  
I haven’t been out in the field in a very long time. Today I was out in the field, it was bad, and it was brutal in Central Park and I got lost and Steve said I need to start carrying something called a GPS I don’t know what that is and I am pretty sure he doesn’t either so no. I am not carrying a GPS. I’ll just get lost and I know he’ll find me the damn dork.

April 7th  
Steve says I no longer care about fitness and I only want to stay on the couch and watch television. That is a blatant lie I am so into fitness. I so am into fitness this double cheese burger in my mouth!

April 8th  
Natasha thought it was a really good idea for me to catch up on some animated movies. I was all for it until literally every parent ended up dead. What the hell. They let children watch this! I AM A GROWN ASSED MAN I AM A FORMER RUSSIAN SUPER SECRET ASSASSIN I AM GHOST I HAVE DONE SOME REALLy bad shit and I will not cry over a damn deer that’s mommy got shot! Oh god! I am crying again I have to go! The memories are coming back! Where is my convenient cryogenic hydra sleep when I need it!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading I enjoyed writing it at work. Cheers for now


End file.
